Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Things Zombies Love

Here's a little something that's just about as far removed as possible from the dismal mood I'm in, a little blast-from-the-past I threw this together ages ago when I first went on Facebook. All sorts of dumb lists were circulating. One that caught my attention was "Things Zombies Love." I like a good zombie movie, and I've long ranked the two best as two of the best films ever to emerge from the horror genre, so I took a few minutes and prepared my own horror-nerd-heavy list. I'm not feeling the laughs now, but maybe one of my other two readers will see it and smile:

"Things Zombies Love"

1. My imagination (They've consumed it, of late) [Editorial note: I was writing a series of stories featuring the living dead at the time.]

2. George Romero (He makes them SUPERSTARS!)

3. Paraplegics (They put up the least struggle)

4. Sarah Palin (Politician who, though alive, still "thinks" at their level)

5. Tyler Perry movies (Who else is going to enjoy them?)

6. Long walks

7. NEKROMANTIK (From a zombie's POV, a tender romantic comedy)

8. Paramedics

9. Cops

10. Hardcore fans of the 1990 NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD remake (The dead sense their intellectual kinship)

11. Dracula (Their James Bond fantasy, shows that even the living dead can be suave and sophisticated, and get the ladies)

12 The Cryptkeeper (Proves that even a zombie can become a mainstream star)

13. Jesus (Also rose from the dead)

14. "Slow Children At Play" signs (Handy lunch tips)

15. Soylent Green (It's made of people!)

16. Jennifer Connolly (Yes, it's true they want to eat anyone who is alive, but can anyone doubt they'd probably like to eat her just a little bit more than all the others?).

17. Marvel Zombies (Their heroes)

18. CPAC (A place they can go and inconspicuously mingle with the living)

19. Zombie movies (Being extras in such films usually being the only paid work they can get)

20. Shuffleboard

--j.